The Activity - Reward Cycle

Last week I wrote about my thoughts on success and the benefits of rewards and punishment.  Of course there had to be more.

As adults, it is tough to "punish" ourselves, and yet we do it mentally, financially and physically.  Just not the way we would punish a child.  This is exactly why a child should learn that life includes both the carrot and the stick.

Overspend on the credit card and the credit card company will punish you with high fees.  Wreck your car and you will probably punish yourself with a deductible that you didn't budget for.  Could you imagine coming home and saying "Honey, I yelled at my boss today, here is the breadboard, I think that is worth five pops."?  (Pops are swats depending on where you live).  Punishment as an adult exists, it is just different.

With kids, punishment and rewards are both critical for them to understand the true principles of life and success.  Take away either one and you get problem kids that become problem adults.

Today we are making the rules so vague, I am not surprised at what I see.  Letting boys in the girls bathroom because they are "more comfortable" is just plain ridiculous.  Our physiological needs are different, your "orientation" doesn't change your physiological needs.  Never mind the potential for sexual misconduct.  If it is that important make individual water closets.  This happened because some lazy adults decided not to punish the children who cause the issues and took the easy way out and let the kids have a free for all.

When you ignore the principles and change rules so they don't support the principles, bigger problems show up later.  You don't need a crystal ball, just the ability to think.

Life is filled with rules.  If you have really good principles, you don't have a need for rules.  Since we aren't born with principles, we start by teaching rules.

So how does this all tie in with success and the activity - reward cycle?

Rules are created to help people build an understanding of principles.  Until then, there is a boys room and a girls room.

Lets say you want to lose weight.  The principle is simple, burn more calories than you intake.  Because most people don't understand how to apply that principle, we have companies that create rules based approaches like Weight Watchers and the points system.  The rules work.

You can't violate these rules in the name of rewarding yourself either, because violating the rules breaks the principles most of the time.

For example, if you are trying to lose weight and go for a 5 mile walk which burns 400 calories and reward yourself with an 1100 calorie shake, chances are good your reward will help you gain weight, not lose it.

Can you have an 1100 calorie shake, break the rules and still lose weight?  Yes, because the principle of weight loss is eating less than you need.  If the only thing you have that entire day is the milkshake, then you can still lose weight.  You will likely violate several other principles of good health but you will lose weight.  What are the chances of skipping breakfast, lunch and dinner though?

Let me give you another example of breaking a rule and not violating a principle.  Speeding.  If you are on the freeway in a well maintained car going 75 in a 65, are you violating the principle of the speed limit which is safety?  The answer is "It depends".  If everyone is going 45, and you are darting around at 75, then you have violated both the rule and are likely to get in an accident thereby violating the principle.

The opposite of course is true, if you go 45 and everyone else is going 75, you might end up getting hit, so technically following the rules and still violating the principles.

If everyone is going 75, the most likely safe course of action is to follow the principle of safety by following the average speed and breaking the rule.  This doesn't mean speed limits aren't needed or useful, it just means the principle is more important.

If everyone starts going 90 or 100, then both the principle and the rules are being violated and a major accident is likely to happen.  Why?  Because the majority of drivers aren't trained to react safely at those speed nor are their cars designed to go that fast regularly in traffic.

Kids and adults alike need to understand the way life works and creating artificial shelters in bathroom usage or sports without winners or losers isn't teaching anyone to succeed.  It is simply teaching them that they don't matter.

Make sure you matter, and make sure your kids know they matter.