Having "purpose" in decision making is easier said that done. Do you let emotions effect your decisions? If you do, why? Do you even know when you do it? The truth is that we can see it in others more easily than we can see it in ourselves.
Every day I bet you see people that can't make a decision. Ask them where to eat, and nobody will step up with a decision. Ask them what they want after they get there and I'll bet you hear "You go then I'll decide". Are you that person who always "lets" others go first? Don't be.
Eating out is a simple example of how people let fear and emotion get in the way. Nobody wants to offend anyone else by picking the wrong place to eat. If everyone else is eating salads, the indecisive will go along instead of getting the steak and lobster they really want. Why? Fear.
Fear of offending someone.
Fear of not belonging.
Fear of being ridiculed or embarrassed by the choice.
You are probably thinking it sounds funny that we have "fear" about where to eat and what to eat, but people do. When I embarked on a very strict no carb diet to lose 30 pounds last year, I realized how often people put off their decisions to go along with what other people were doing.
I never asked anyone else to eat "low carb" or "no carb" but amazingly I didn't see bread or pasta on the table for over five months. I lost the weight and changed my eating habits for good, and it has made ordering that much easier.
In this case I had a genuine purpose that was important to me. I needed to lose weight because of a knee problem that was developing.
New Years resolutions fail for this exact reason. The resolution isn't that important, it is missing a very solid "what's in it for me". Let take a smoker, who decides to quit and look at it from the "what's in it for me" perspective.
1. If I quit, I won't smell like cigarettes. Is this really important to them? probably not, they haven't been bothered enough by it so far.
2. If I quit, I won't need smoke breaks. Is this important? In fact quite the opposite, the smoke breaks may be an escape that they lose. They might feel like they are offending the other smokers by not joining them.
3. If I quit, I'll save money. This is a good one, but if there isn't something to save for, it won't matter.
4. If I quit, I'll be healthier. This is the one that might work. If they have a genuine purpose to live healthier, they might quit smoking. If they just like the idea of living healthier, it isn't a purpose and it won't help.
The real point here is that we all have "ideas" and things that sound good to other people that we agree with. Those things are not your purpose or my purpose, they are just ideas. Like my electric car, being petroleum free is a very interesting academic discussion. The reality is, most people don't care, so it won't happen. In my case my purpose was advancing my economic flexibility by reducing my monthly costs. That was very important to me so I did get the electric car.
If you can map out your purpose clearly, decisions come easy because all you need to do is ask, does that fit my purpose. When it does, you do it, when it doesn't you don't. Life is that simple, we just complicate it trying to please others and fit in, instead of being who we really are.
If you can answer a few simple questions for you, your life and your work, the rest gets easy. The hard part is deciding exactly what you want from this journey we call life.
And before we get there, here is the great irony, we all respect and admire people that make decisions. We might not agree with them, but they are the people we look to. Why not become that person?
These questions should help, if you can answer them you are on your way to making better decisions.
Where are you going? Not today, but what does your future look like? This is the "vision" of your perfect life, a dream you will actually live and achieve. Most people I talk to can't tell me what their dream is anymore. Life has sucked it out of them.
What are you doing to get there? Are you making progress every day, Are you training to be the best you that you can be so you can get where you are going?
How do you contribute? What do you do that adds value to the rest of the world so they will help you get there. What is it that lets you make the decisions and lead the way?
What's in it for you, I mean really? This can be anything and is the toughest and most important question to ask. When you really sit down with most smokers, they can't find a reason that matters to them. It is normally about "they say I should quit". When you ask dieters why they fail, it is similarly about comfort. When I lost 30 pounds, I was in a new zone. My comfort level changed, my wardrobe changed, and change can be tough. This is the most important question. If there isn't anything in it for you that you really want, you aren't likely to achieve much more than the norm.
When you define your purpose, you gladly take the road less traveled without fear or worry. Where will you road take you?
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Thank you for your insights.