Lately it seems like there isn't a day that I don't meet someone who just wants to be "comfortable". Since it is in my nature to try and help people do better, I stop and listen, some people might even call it a bit nosey. Without fail there is one common denominator among all of them.
In the Real Estate Office my wife works, there were several brand new agents that just wanted to be "comfortable". The common denominator is so obvious once you see it. When you see it in yourself, it is almost embarrassing. At least it was for me when my wife pointed it out. Most people won't say it if I tell them to their face, in fact most would argue the point so I never tell anyone directly anymore. It just made people mad at me, but let's see if you know anyone like this guy I met a short while ago, we'll call him John.
I met John at breakfast while in Dallas Texas. My flight wasn't for a couple of hours, and I was in the corner studying for my California Real Estate license. It turns out, I can't do advertising for my wife or Realtor clients without one and yes I passed.
Anyway, John was talking to an older couple who I assumed to be his parents. They turned out to be his Aunt and Uncle. John was going over all the changes at his office and telling them how he was very worried about losing his job. Does any of this sound familiar? It is like the common thread of the economy.
His aunt and uncle coddled him a bit while he complained that he just wanted to be "comfortable". He suddenly got my attention. After all it was exactly this situation that occurred in the middle east with a group of military troops who were too scared to get out of their comfort zone and go back to civilian life that inspired me to write So, Now What?.
I put my iPad down and listened for a couple more minutes before I nosed it. I just couldn't help it. John went on to talk about how he had already been demoted, and how his boss kept trying to get him to do his old job for the new lower pay. He proudly told them how he told his boss he wasn't going to do the extra work. We went on to complain about the owner of the company driving a new Mercedes and about how his car needed some work.
After he returned to the "comfort" theme for the third time I nosed in and asked what John did for a living. He worked an office job that used to require a degree, but computers now made it so easy that they were hifing minimum wage kids off the street to do it. He was moved to another position but then he was cut back to a lower position. His company was buying another company that had too many operators and the new software would cut half of the people in his department.
So now I started asking more questions. Did he have a resume out there? No. Had he looked at Monster.com or TheLadders.com? No. I asked if it would be smart to get a jump on the other guys and have that new job before the other guys are applying for it too? Yes, but he just didn't have any time, and he had the golden handcuffs keeping him at his current job. I asked if this job was going to help him get to where he wants to be in five years? This answer was the one I have heard a lot lately, he said "I don't want to go anywhere I just want to be comfortable and get what is mine."
I asked him to tell me about anyone he knew that was "comfortable" and getting what is "theirs". He couldn't come up with on person, real or fantasy. So we talked about different people in a "better" or "worse" format. Sometimes using their life like Charlie Sheen, other times using John as the benchmark and comparing John to the other person. About that time the Aunt and Uncle excused themselves to go get ready to leave.
He made a comment that his life wasn't easy like mine because I was rich and he wasn't. I thought that was odd, so I asked if he thought I was always rich. He said "yes". I asked if a repo guy trying to take back your truck while you were living on base sounded "rich". He looked confused. I asked if selling your house, furniture and most of your personal belongings to pay off a business loan sounded "rich". He said "no that sounds like bankrupt."
I explained that twice in my life I have made some big errors and failed to get out of my own way, and they cost me big. I left home full of myself, joined the military and bought everything I could until the banks called wanting it back. I also built a good sized business on the "build it and they will come" mentality, and guess what, they didn't. Twice in my life I was beyond broke and could have easily declared bankruptcy.
John agreed his life wasn't that bad. The next question to John was "If I can do that twice, and you think of me as 'rich' now, do you think you can get rich from where you are right now if you really wanted to?" He sheepishly answered "I guess". I knew that he was at least thinking it through and this would keep him up tonight.
Can you name anyone whose life is always the same? There are a select few like Warren Buffett who seem to go up forever, and then others like Charlie Sheen or Donald Trump who are a roller coaster and finally those that peak and we never hear from them again, I forget who they are. The bottom line is you can be lazy and move backwards or you can enjoy life and keep moving forward no matter how low you get. Nobody stays the same.
John eventually agreed that 'comfortable" wasn't anything real and he said he had given up on his dreams after college. After realizing how lame his excuses were and how lazy he sounded, he said he didn't know where to start. Of course I suggested So, Now What?, and another book that is out of print but you can find online for free as a download called the Secret of the Ages.
The Secret of the Ages is a book I call "the book of the Jedi Mind". Most people I worked with through the military didn't need this book, they understand the concepts because of how they were trained. Since John wasn't ever in the military, I thought Secret of the Ages might be a better starting point for him. So, Now What? turns out to be lacking a couple of concepts which are explained in Secret of the Ages. I'll have to work on the changes along with a new title and cover. Anyone know a better publisher or agent?
I gave John my card and ran off to catch my flight. Two months ago he sent a short email that said "I think I get it, but I still don't know what to do!". My response was get So, Now What? and do the worksheets.
Last week I got an email from John that simply read "You were right, it was in my head, and life is great now. New job, more money and I am having fun."
I never once said it was in his head, but deep down we all know that we are the only ones that can change our lives. He knew it, all I could do was help him say it out loud. Do you know anyone that needs to look in the mirror and say it out loud? If you do, be a good friend and help them do it. If it is you, get Secret of the Ages and So, Now What? and leave your questions here or drop me a note anytime.
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Thank you for your insights.