What's Next For You?

How has your life been going so far?  Do you wish for more, is it just ok?  Do you wonder why some people make it and others don't?  Have you ever looked at someone and wondered why they have a "great life" and you don't?

If so, what is next for you?  Would you like to know the difference between the people who slug it out at work 9-5 and still can't make ends meet and those who don't ever appear to work and are always having fun?

If you do want to know the difference and change your life, you have found the right place.  I will show you how a lot of people have created great lives and I can show you how to create yours, and it all starts right here.

I didn't know it at the time, but I found one of the great rules of success at a very early age without knowing it.  Was I pursuing a "passion"? Nope.  Was I getting big money from my parents trust fund? Nope.  I just stumbled into something that worked and it was the rush that I have been chasing ever since.  Until a few years ago though I didn't understand it at all.

I tried the passion path, and spent more money than I care to admit building three business that were nothing but a headache.  I was in love with the product, and the process, but the business just didn't work, and I didn't get it.  Other things were so easy for me, and then one day I broke the code.

Looking back I knew it all along, I just didn't understand it.

In the spring of 1984, I was moved to the "continuing education" campus of my high school.  I didn't fit in and didn't like school at all.  I was working at Burger King which oddly was a pretty good job for me at the time.  The owner liked me, and I figured out the work pretty quick.  It still wasn't enough so I joined the Air National Guard, Security Police.

Security Police was not much of a job either, but I was lucky to be surrounded by some very talented people.  After graduating from tech school, and returning to my base with my "badge", I was offered a full time position.  Basically an active duty Air Force job at the Air National Guard Base.  Not having any other way to make money, I took the position.

After three nights of walking circles around airplanes and freezing my tail off, I was beginning to think I had made a huge mistake.  I didn't drink coffee or smoke (and still don't) so I didn't get as many breaks as the other guys.  I didn't fit in and I knew I couldn't do that job forever.

Lucky for me somebody gave me the secret.  I just didn't know it at the time.  Within a few months, I was enjoying my work and wasn't walking around airplanes any more.  One of the side benefits of learning this secret (that I didn't understand back then) is that I have never had to interview for a job since.  The great work that other people want, just seems to fall into my lap.

How would you like someone to walk up to you tomorrow and say "Hi, I would like you to come work for me, doing X."  That is pretty much how it has gone ever since.  Even when I was hired as an airline pilot, my "interview" wasn't anything like what other people were talking about.  It was more like friends talking about a hobby they enjoyed together.

So what is the great secret?  It is a little more than will fit in one post, but if you read my blog regularly you will see it.  It isn't chasing a passion, instead it is doing something that challenges you.

In my Security Police job, the base had a competitive shooting team.  When I tried out the first time, I didn't make the cut, but I had fun and got along with everyone that made the team.  When the first person was transferred out of the base, the team Captain asked me to fill in.  He spent the extra time with me to get me up to the level I needed to be.  It wasn't work, it was fun, five championships later it was rewarding.

That sort of situation has played out over and over throughout my life.  And so has another situation. The other situation is the opposite.  No one asks me to do any work.  I just decide to do it because I am "passionate" about it.  The results, not so good.

After having some success in an area and gaining a bit of freedom, I would get some book or take some class by a "guru" and then try to step out on my own and follow my "passion".  So far my record in this area is 0 for 3.

It would play out like this.  Life would be going great, and I would start to feel guilty about my success and not being like everyone else.  Trying to justify my success, I would go find a book or a class to mask the guilt and frustration of not fitting in and living a "comfortable" life.

I would take the classes, read the books and then go out and start a new business.  I would put my heart and soul into it along with all of the money I made doing other things.  Two or three years later the stress and lack of money would cause me to throw in the towel.

Each time that happened someone would be there to say "Great, now that you have stopped that nonsense, how about you come do X for me?"  My life would become great and fun again and then guess what?  Go back two paragraphs and read it again.  Do this twice, because I am slow and didn't get this lesson very quickly.  I am writing this hoping you don't repeat this cycle ever.

Passion is for the birds and bees, not for business.  Passion is for your attitude towards life, not financing your life.

After closing up my third "failed" business it hit me like a Wreck It Ralph.  Luckily, I was able to close my companies, and acted in good faith with my clients.  Bankruptcy wasn't an option for me, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  You don't want to spend a lot of time with a bankruptcy attorney, and this is from the experience of someone who was only getting advice.  I can't imagine the stress of actually doing it.

So what is the secret? In simple terms, we all have value that we bring to the table.  In very very rare cases it also might be your passion.  For me I will admit it isn't.  What I like about my work is seeing the changes in my clients. That brings me the happiness and gives me the financial freedom to have passions and pursue dreams without wanting to create income from them.  This is a very different approach.

Being driven isn't being passionate.  You have a value sitting within you that people are asking for and you probably don't even see.  One of the tests that I use is asking the question: What is it that people come to you for that you gladly do for free?

That isn't your passion, but it can be your value.  Even though you don't charge for it, you might be able to.  In my case I can charge a lot for it.  The work itself doesn't actually bring me any happiness. It brings me great financial rewards.  What brings me the happiness is the change that my work makes for my client.

Passion isn't the driving factor, serving my clients is.  I am always taking classes to get better in every area of my life an business.  My passion for life has infected my work, so people mistake my drive for passion.  Trust me when I say, my passions are very very expensive hobbies which only take money out of my bank account.  No one is offering me money to do them.  I have tried, and been paid, but never enough to survive, never mind maintain my lifestyle.

When you aren't sure what that value is, try it all.  One might hit a spark and light a fire inside you.  You might start a few fires.  Maybe people are saying you should be a personal shopper because you have a great sense of style.  Try it and charge for it.  See if the income lights a little fire within you.

The world isn't about money, but every time I see someone get good money for stuff they were doing for free, there is no mistaking or hiding the excitement.  The first time an actor is paid, the first time a lawyer wins a big case, the first time a race car driver wins a big check all change how that person looks and the energy they project to the world.  Guess what happens next, like an addiction, they keep doing it.

In my case I didn't figure it out until I tried the "guru's" way three times.  Thankfully I broke the code before I tried a fourth time.

You might not know your value right now, but come back often or sign up for one of my "break out" classes and find your values.  We all have more than one, and the trick is finding one that pays enough to make life fun.  What are the values that you bring to the world?

How to Fix A Midlife Crisis

What is a midlife crisis anyway?  

Elliott Jaques defined a midlife crisis as a time where adults come to realize their own mortality. A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as children leaving for college, the death of parents of the loss of a job. During this time,  people may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance.

The sentence which is really the key to unlocking the real problem is “People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams.” 

Beginning with our first experiences at school, we are taught to “go with the flow”, yet the human psyche doesn't go with the flow.  We have an inherent need to change the world around us, and when we go with the flow nothing is changed.   All of us know this to be true, and a midlife crisis is the realization of that truth.  At some point,  what I like to call the "busyness" of life takes our attention away from what we really want.  It is the point when the busyness takes a break that the midlife crisis kicks in.

Another way to think of a midlife crisis is as a "mature realization" that we followed someone else’s dreams.  We conformed our lives to someone else's wants, or conformed for convenience.  Personally my life shifted the day my dad past away.  From the time I got the call to the time I was sitting at a funeral home was a couple of hours.  Right there I was sitting in a mental state many would call a midlife crisis that lasted for nearly 5 years.  I didn't see it at the time, it is only with some careful reflection that I could see my realization or midlife crisis and where it began.  

During that time I made a lot of poor choices in business and financial management.  Towards the end when I realized what was happening, it didn't take long to fix it and get out of the "funk".  I wish someone had given me a swift kick in the butt four and a half years sooner.  The faster you see through your own midlife crisis or mature realization, the quicker you get to move on with life.  Ironically my dad would have done that.

All through our lives, What is a midlife crisis anyway?  Wikipedia defines it this way:

Midlife crisis is a term coined in 1965 by Elliott Jaques stating a time where adults come to realize their own mortality and how much time is left in their life. A midlife crisis is experienced by many people during the midlife transition when they realize that life may be more than halfway over. Sometimes, a crisis can be triggered by transitions experienced in these years, such as andropause or menopause, the death of parents or other causes of grief, unemployment or underemployment, realizing that a job or career is hated but not knowing how else to earn an equivalent living, or children leaving home. People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams. The result may be a desire to make significant changes in core aspects of day-to-day life or situation, such as in career, work-life balance, marriage, romantic relationships, large expenditures, or physical appearance.

The last couple of sentences are really the key to unlocking the real problem.  “People may reassess their achievements in terms of their dreams.” is a very telling statement and most likely the core of the problem.

Our society trains us starting at a school age to “go with the flow”, yet the human cause is counter to the flow.  We have an inherent need to change the world around us, and when we go with the flow nothing is changed.  What I like to call the busyness of life takes our attention away from what we really want.  It is the point when the busyness takes a break that the midlife crisis kicks in.

I prefer to think about a midlife crisis more as a mature realization that we followed someone else’s dreams or worse, accepted their fears.  Many of the transitions mentioned in the Wikipedia definition all hover around the same thing, a major change in your life.

Personally my life shifted the day my dad died, within hours I was sitting in a mental state many would call a midlife crisis that lasted for nearly 5 years.  During that time I made a lot of poor choices in business and financial management.  The faster you see through your own midlife crisis or mature realization, the quicker you get to move on with life.

Every time you decide a job stinks and we find a new one, you have matured a little and decided to move on.  We have mini realizations all the time.  some like the midlife crisis are just bigger and more mature realizations that something isn't right.  It might be that you realized that you made a bad choice taking the job, or that someone else misled you about the job.  Either way, you woke up and made a change.  

The big realization we call a midlife crisis happens when there is a much bigger change in your life.  Something so big it can disrupt the busyness of everyday life.  The real problem with the midlife crisis is that you don't know what to do.  That is the "crisis" part.

Buying a Porsche, divorce, getting remarried to a younger new wife, finding a new job, are the male midlife stereotype.  The stereotype clearly reflects the symptoms but doesn’t address the issues.  All of us have different issues, and the good news is working through them is basically the same.  Even if you don't know what to do, there are ways to work through it.  I wrote a book about this process.

When I wrote So, Now What?, I was focused on military troops leaving the service and helping them find a better job and create a better life in the civilian world.  I didn’t want the troops that worked with me to come home and just get a "safe government job".  I have always felt that we do people a disservice by letting them take "safe" jobs until they retire.  While this is a great socialist view, the human spirit isn't challenged and doesn't grow.  Just look at the local motor vehicle counters, is anyone really happy or smiling.  Then go to a thriving business, and look at how happy people are to work and contribute.  

i wanted them to use this opportunity to teach them grasp the realization, and move forward with their dreams.  I have always believed that everyone should do two years of government service, even if it is just working the motor vehicle counter.  If you go to a state funded college, maybe you do four years.  All of the people that worked for me or me in the military have done their service, so I wanted to help them grow their own energy and life. 

Writing So, Now What? to help more of them also helped me.  First it talked me through my own realization, saving my family life and moving me to a place where I wanted to live.  It also helped people I knew reflect on their lives and make a major change, helping me to learn what people needed to know to get through their own mature realization or midlife crisis.  Some acknowledged the book was the catalyst right away.  Others made major changes without really saying why.  Either way it has been a fun ride, and I learned that all realizations can be corrected with the same process.  Your age and maturity level don't matter.  You can have a mature realization at 20 or 80.  That is why I don't like the term midlife crisis.

Last week I was out surfing, and something happened which inspired me to write to you.  Surfing of course, is part of my “dream life” that wasn’t happening at my McMansion in Texas.  While surfing, I met a guy I'l call "Bob".  We talked for a while and my answers were starting to sound rehearsed, I realized that So, Now What? not only changed my direction, it changed how I interact with people.

Instead of giving advice to Robbie, I just asked questions and let him come to his own conclusions.  Last week I received an email from a reader saying he liked my book because of the worksheets.  I wasn’t telling him what to do, I was helping him find out what is right for him.  At the end of our conversation, I could see a light in his eyes that wasn't there when we started talking.

All of us have our own dreams and demons.  Getting advice from friends and family just keeps you going with the flow or following their dreams.  People don’t like change unless they are comfortable with their life to the point of boredom.  The only person who will know what the right exit strategy is for your midlife crisis or mature realization is you.  Asking how other people see you will help, asking them what you should do probably won’t.

From the emails and feed back I get, the hardest part of reading So, Now What?, is doing the worksheets after every chapter.  It is also the most important thing to do according to the people who send the "thank you" letters.  

So many people just want the quick and easy answer.  All that will lead to is another mature realization at another point in your life.  That is why I don’t like the term midlife crisis.  You don’t have to be midlife, and you don’t have to let it become a crisis.

It will take some time to invest in yourself and find your dream life.  If you don’t take the time, you might end up right back in another crisis.  Are you worth the time?  I think so.

Build the Most From the Least

This weekend I came home from Houston Texas with a plaque that I couldn’t have earned a few years ago.  This might sound a little funny, but bear with me for a moment.  If you run a business, you need a hobby.  Sometimes your hobby is purely an outlet of stress, other times it is a place where you can let your mind do some background processing and clarify problems you have in life or in your business.  This is how successful people see a way around obstacles in life.  Sometimes, your hobby is a reflection of the problems in your life that need to be corrected.

One of my longer term hobbies has been racing in the 24Hours of LeMons series.  No, that isn’t a spelling error, it really is lemons.  The cars are junk, literally junk. 

The idea in the 24 Hours of Lemons is that you are supposed to take a junk car that you paid $500 or less for, and race it.  There are a lot of safety rules and track rules and team rules.  When my friend and business associate, Gabrielle Magno of Maxxom Communications in Houston and I first came up with the idea for the team, we both tried to do everything.  We couldn’t get other people to help or pay money to be on the team.  Just like many small businesses, we were targeting the wrong customer base.  Just because someone is our friend, it doesn’t make them a team member.

Are You Too Busy To Make Money?

It amazes me to see how many business owners and sales people are “too busy” to make money.  Are you too busy to make money?  Most of them know and can clearly spell out what they need to do to get ahead and yet they don't do it.  Why is that?  Do you know anyone like that?  Are you that person?

The path to high achievement and success isn't a secret.  If you are a sales person or a baseball player, your path is a path of practice and numbers.  The more you practice the better you get and the more you swing at the ball the more you will get the hits.  What stops most people from achieving more is they hit their personal limit for the strikes or the “no” responses people give them.  Many others hit their goal and settle into a comfort zone.  Either way progress stops.

Is There A Secret To Success?

As a business owner, and trainer/coach to other business owners, I have figured out the one step that is absolutely required for success.  I have taken all kinds of classes from other success coaches and trainers, I have even read their books.  Every one of them has a slightly different take on the issue.

Most recently I was listening to an audio program where the speaker listed 42 different elements of success that he had discovered.  He said a business plan was absolutely essential.  Funny I know a few multimillionaires with good businesses that never had a real plan.  He also said that written goals were required.  I know a few guys that don't have any written goals.  In fact, I know a couple of guys who got rich, are still getting rich and by most peoples thinking continue to become more successful every day and yet they have neither a business plan or a written set of goals.

Are you choosing success today?

This holiday season has been different for everyone.  New home construction in our area has come to an almost standstill in the new economy.  Two years ago, the builders that we worked with were closing a house a week or better, in 2009 it bottomed at one a month with one builder closing his doors and retiring.  Right now we have three new home construction projects on the board for the next two quarters.  Two years ago, that would have been a weeks worth of work on the big board.